


Harry Potter and the Trouble with Fan Fiction

by AnnaOnTheMoon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Humour, Internet, Multi, Spoof, tongue in cheek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2019-02-03 02:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12738957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaOnTheMoon/pseuds/AnnaOnTheMoon
Summary: Hermione Granger-Weasley discovers something very strange on the Muggle internet....





	Harry Potter and the Trouble with Fan Fiction

**Author's Note:**

> A/N I wrote this in 2013 for LJIdol, a last man standing writing competition over on LiveJournal. Very tongue in cheek.

Hermione gasped in horror and rolled her chair away from her laptop. “Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. GROSS!” she shouted as she continued to back away from her desk. Ron came thundering into the room, brandishing a wooden spoon.  
  
“Wassamatter?”   
  
Hermione pointed at the laptop screen. “It's positively ghastly!”  
  
Ron put the spoon down and placed an arm around Hermione. “What happened?”   
  
“They.....they....they.... _wrote_  about us,” she replied, still pointing at the screen.  
  
“Who did?”  
  
“Muggles,” Hermione whispered.   
  
“Oh, well, that's not so bad. Sometimes Harry is in the Muggle newspaper when he solves a case that has bled over into the Muggle world. I'm sure it's not bad.”  
  
“N—no, it's not news. It's....oh Ron, they're writing  _stories_  about us!”  
  
Ron squinted at the computer. “hahtuhtuhpah slash slash wuhwuhwuh? What does any of that mean?”   
  
Hermione shook her head. “No Ron. It's H-T-T-P. It means Hyper Text Transfer Protocol. It's a communication protocol on the internet that lets my computer talk to another,” Hermione glanced at Ron's blank look. “Oh, never mind. Let me floo Harry and Ginny.”  
  
“Tell them to stay for Tea. We'll have plenty,” Ron said as he returned to the kitchen. Hermione was quite fortunate that Ron had inherited his mother's gift for cooking. Her parents only knew how to order take-away.  
  
Hermione grabbed a pinch of powder off the pot on the mantle, threw it into the flames, and called out “Potter Manor Kitchen”.  
  
James and Albus were playing in front of the fireplace in the kitchen when it suddenly lit up and they saw their Aunt Hermione in the flames.   
  
Albus was the first to look up. “Look Jamie, it's Auntie Miney!”  
  
Hermione sighed. She hated when the children called her Miney, but most of them couldn't yet say her full name. “Hi Albi, Could you get your mummy or daddy for me?”  
  
“Uh-huh.”  
  
Hermione could hear several doors being slammed and both boys shouting “Mummy!” at the top of their lungs before Ginny's face appeared in the fireplace. “Hi Hermione!”   
  
“Ginny, could you come over? I need to show you and Harry something.”  
  
“Is it urgent?”  
  
“Yes.”   
  
“Sure. We'll be over in a few minutes.”  
  
Hermione ended the call and stepped back from the fireplace. Both Potter boys took after their father and always seemed to tumble out of the fire. Soon she was greeted by two sooty children slightly resembling her nephews. Harry and Ginny, with Lily on her hip arrived with a soft pop.  
  
Ginny rolled her eyes. “Boys,” she said as she took out her wand and performed a simple cleaning spell on them, “Go and find Hugo and Rose, and take Lily with you.” Both boys groaned. “Mummy, do we hafta take Lily?” “Yes.” James groaned again but took Lily by the hand. “C'mon. I bet they're in the treehouse!” Albus, James, and Lily all took off galloping for the back garden.   
  
Harry grinned at the retreating backs of his children. “They keep asking me to build them a treehouse, too. Now, what did you want to show us?”  
  
Hermione called Ron into the room, conjured four sturdy chairs, and magically projected her laptop screen onto the wall. “Look at what the Muggles have been writing about us!”  
  
Harry and Ron looked up and saw their names, the word “bum”, and the word “lick”. Ron's face started to turn red. “They wrote  _that_  about me and Harry?”   
  
“Oh, that's not all they've written.” Hermione clicked through to another webpage. This time, the words that caught Harry's attention were “Ginny”, “Hermione”, “suck”, and “nipple”. He grinned. “Well, this one's not so bad,” he started to say as Ginny reached over and hit him. “Aw, come on Ginny. That was the fantasy of at least half the dormitory when we were in school.” Ginny glared. Ron started to read and then shuddered. “Oh, gross. Why couldn't it be Hermione and Luna? Why'd it have to be my sister?” This time, Hermione hit Ron.   
  
“What can we do about this?” Ginny asked, her hand already soothing Harry's arm where she smacked him.   
  
Hermione sighed. “I don't know. I can try to contact the webmaster of the site and get it taken down, but there are dozens of websites like this one and probably thousands of stories. It's all Jo's fault. If she hadn't decided to write those books about Harry's life, no one would know who we were.”   
  
Harry put his hands in the air. “Don't look at me like that, Hermione. It was your idea to talk to her in the first place!”  
  
Ginny used the mouse to click on some of the links. “Hey look, someone wrote stories about those vampires in America, too!” She continued to read, then abruptly clicked on the x like Hermione had shown her to close something. Her face was as red as her hair. “I wonder if they know what Muggles are writing about them?”  
  
Ron shrugged. “Who cares? They're sparkly vampires. I mean, come on. That's just asking for it!”  
  
Hermione shook her head. “It doesn't matter. What matters is putting an end to this!”  
  
The four friends sat in silence for several minutes, each lost in their own thoughts when Harry spoke up. “Hermione, can anyone put a story on the website?”  
  
“Yes. They just need to create an account.”  
  
“Then, that's our solution.”  
  
“What is?”  
  
“I heard a phrase once on Muggle television, 'If you can't beat them, join them'.”  
  
Hermione's eyes lit up. “I see what you want me to do. You want me to make an account and write stories about us to counter against all the false ones!”   
  
“Exactly”  
  
“But Harry, how is that going to get rid of  _that_?” Ron asked as he gestured at the projected image. “No offence, mate, but I don't want to get anywhere near your bum.”  
  
“None taken. If we can't get rid of the stories, we just have to write better stories so people will read those instead.”   
  
Hermione tapped on her keyboard until a blue webpage with a giant pencil showed up.  _Welcome to LiveJournal. Create an account or log in_. “We need a name.”  
  
Ginny grinned. “What about the marauders? There were four of them and there are four of us.” Hermione typed in “the_marauders”.  _Sorry, this name is taken._  Hermione tried several variations on the name, and started trying each marauder's nickname. Everything was taken.   
  
“What about doing what we saw on Muggle cars in America? Where they used numbers that looked like letters?”   
  
“Oh, Ron, that's brilliant!” Hermione typed some more.  
  
_Welcome to LiveJournal, P4df00t_


End file.
